Hot Dogs and Free Cocaine

Today, while I was going through my daily pursuits, I stopped at a Clearwater, Florida BP Gas station to fill up the 'ol gas tank. While there, I noticed two things that immediately struck me as odd. The first was that there was a very noisy tamed bird that could be heard squawking throughout the store, but alas, was never to be seen. And second, if you wanted to buy cocaine in Clearwater, then you had come to the right place.

I looked high and low for the cacophonous winged creature and silently hoped that it never roosts over the hotdog counter, where I stood making my very unhealthy breakfast. The store boasted of a free 32oz. fountain drink with the purchase of two hotdogs. It seemed like a great deal to me, after all I was hungry, and you'll never catch me eating some crappy 2 for 2 deal at McDonalds. A quick look around the area didn't reveal any of the tell tale signs of bird droppings or stray feathers, so I convinced myself that I would be alright and went about my business. 

Thats when, while waiting in line to pay for my freshly

 dressed delicacy, I saw what I had only heard about before. Cocaine. Right there in plain sight. 

While you sit there and digest what I just said, let me tell you that the temptation was there. I wanted to try it. I wondered how bad it could possibly be. Then I thought about my hotdogs and would they still taste right after imbibing. As my mind started to reminess how my buddies and I would drive around throwing raw hotdogs at prostitutes, I asked the clerk behind the counter, "how much does this stuff go for anyway?" Before he could answer me, I told him that the white can was marked "FREE". Was that some sort of sample program? He then quickly replied that there was no such thing as "free cocaine".

Much controversy surrounds a beverage that chooses to name itself Cocaine. The proprieter of the drink boasts that it is 350% stronger than a same sized Red Bull. I imagine that if I knew what aardvark piss tasted like, it would closely resemble the taste of a Red Bull. I really don't get the energy drink thing as it all seems kind of stupid to me really. I've tried them once or twice. But for my money, if I'm going to buy something to drink, I want it to quench my thirst. Or at least get me drunk. But, what is more surprising is that stores would sell it within a filthy hands reach of children. No I'm not going to start banging a drum here. It just seemed inappropriate to glamourize it. At least put it behind the counter. Yeah, right there next to the porn.

Aaaarrrgh! I must be getting old.

Still, I was intrigued enough to snap a picture of it in line and then come home to Google it. Then ramble on in a blog about it. Still, you have to admit, it does have a catchy name and a sexy ad. But, in case you were wondering...I just said "NO". 

That stuff is for the birds.

Cocaine Energy Drink from Malicious Mischief Films on Vimeo.